I guess I just feel like ranting right now for some reason. I think that I'm just a lonely and jelous bitch.
I’m rooming with two of my friends from high school and someone that we don’t really know. I don’t like our fourth roommate she is gross and rude, yet, while I want to try to talk to her about the problems my two friends keep saying that they’ll help and then turn tail on me.
I can’t lie and say that I’m not annoyed with my friends. I feel left out and unwanted; they’ve been best friends forever while my best friend is five hours away and I miss her terribly. I miss having someone that liked you as much as you liked them. I love my two roommates, but I can’t stand the fact that they leave me out of everything. I understand that they like one another more than they like me. I get it, but it is not fun. I am so sick of getting left out and feeling like this.It's just making me miss her more and more.
I feel like they don’t care about me, even though I know that they do. I want to make more friends, but I can’t no matter how hard I try, which is fine. I’m going to college for work not for friends. I don’t care if I end up alone; fine, but don’t take your issues out on me when you’re not even willing to listen to mine. I’m sick of them for getting angry at me for no good reason.
I truly feel like they don’t care about me at all. I want my best friend back. I miss her so much right now. I miss her more than I miss my dog, which is saying more than a lot. I just want someone who can understand without judgement, who will listen to me and respect me, as I would for her. Who knows me better than even my own parents. Who can actually hold a conversation with me since my room mates seem to only know how to talk about one thing and everything goes back to it no matter how much I try to change the subject. I can’t even believe how hanging out with my two roommates makes me miss her so much.
1. What was your first cosplay? (Think hard on this)
I don't have to think hard on it. XD My first was Toboe from Wolf's Rain. It was the night before my first con and I was supposed to be going as L from Death Note. We bought hair spray (great idea, right?) to make my hair black and gel to make it stand up. (Another great idea, since my hair holds nothing, regardless if gel is used.) The spray not only spelled horrid, but it got everywhere and, needless to say, my hair was the same color it had been before we sprayed it. I wanted to cosplay really badly. I didn't know a lot of anime at the time and my favorite one was Wolf's Rain. I picked Toboe as my natural hair color is close enough to his and my hair was the right length, so styling it wouldn't be too bad. My parents went out with my that night and I bought all of the clothing from walmart. My grandma lent me the bracelets. I was at the con the next day. XD
Toboe, as bad as he might have been, was special to me. I still have one of his bracelets as my grandma gave it to me and I ware it everyday. I never really realized how fond of a memory he was for me.
2. Did someone get you into cosplay? Or on your own?
In all honesty, I don't know if I can recall correctly. I think it was a bit of both. My friends were into anime and they got me into that. The first cosplay I was going to do was supposed to be fore a skit, so they needed the character and I was gladly willing to fill in the gap. I have a bad memory, so I'm just guessing here.
3. What is your favourite cosplay?
Thinking about it and looking back on all of them, it's still my beloved Emil. The first cosplay I ever made and one I'm still very proud of. I learned how to sew with him and he brought me supper close to my grandma. I feel really close to Emil as a character and I find that I can relate to him really easily. The costume means a lot to me and to my grandma. He's my baby and always will be, even if I don't wear all that often anymore.
I remember making him, too. It was so hard and such a pain. I even bled on him once. My grandma and I would have dreams about him and how much we hated the costume. We thought it looked horrid. However, we finished him; the day before the con. When we first looked at him on me, it was an amazing moment. He looked great, at least to us, and we were so very proud of him.
4. Which is your least favourite?
I think it would be Android 18. I threw her together to go as duo with one of my good friends. I haven't seen DBZ in years, so I didn't know her well and I thought that the cosplay looked bad. Plus, I had to use my real hair as I couldn't find a wig for her. I felt ugly in the costume.
5. At conventions, do people compliment you on your cosplays?
Depends on the costume, but usually, yes. (More so in Noishe, of course. XD)
6. How many have you done?
Oh geez, 16 finished, 4 in the making, and 1 to be finished when I feel like it.
7. What are the top 5 on your list of "Want to Cosplay"?
This changes so much, so at the time of writing this:
1: Byakuran- Reborn (With his wings.)
2: Madara- Natsume's Book of Friends (Quadsuit)
3: Nephenne- Fire Emblem
4: Hinoe- Natsume's Book of Friends
5: Just about anyone/ any card from Cardfight! Vanguard
8. What female cosplay do you want to do most?
Nephenne from Fire Emblem. She was one of the first female characters that I actually ever cared about. She's been on this list for ages and will remain there until I get brave enough to tackle the art of making armor.
9. What male cosplay do you want to do most?
Byakuran from Reborn or Madara from Natsume's Book of Friends. I love them both so much, though I'm not really ready for another quad with my current state of mind.
10. What do you prefer to do, make or buy your costumes?
11. Your most memorable experience? What makes it so memorable?
I don't know. It's a hard choice.
I'd say it be the entire process of making Emil for reasons stated above, or when I entered, with Emil, in my first cospay contest. I didn't win anything, but it was an amazing feeling. Another one would be knowing how supportive my friends were at Ohayocon with Lumagrowl, they really made me feel like I wasn't alone.
12. Your dream cosplay?
I feel like this has been answered a few times. I think it would be Nephenne, even though two boys beat her out on the list. I really like her a lot and Fire Emblem is one of my favorite games. I would love to cosplay as her.
13. Is there a pattern in your cosplays? If so, what? (Things like they have a certain personality, or hair colour)
Yeah, gender, they tend to be males. XD On a more serious note, they tend to be a bit depressed, or dragged around easily. They also tend to have a light hair color, being mostly blond or silver.
14. Your most recent cosplay?
Most recently finished would be Julio.
15. What do you prefer? Cosplaying in a group or on your own?
I love cosplaying in a group, but I tend to cosplay on my own a lot due to my love for uncommon shows/characters/games.
I started cosplaying back in 2008 and since then its been amazing. I'm always making new costumes, sewing, meeting new people, and, above all else, loving the thing that I do. I hadn't felt that way in a long time. In fact, the only time I ever truly felt so happy with one of my hobbies was back long before I gave up drawing. (I'm drawing now again, just to lessen the confusion my friends may have from reading this.) In short, I suppose, I could say that sewing/cosplaying become one of the biggest parts of my life and I loved it beyond no end.
Back in January, before Ohayocon, I still felt the same way. In fact I was so inspired to cosplay that I worked really hard to finish almost all of Lumagrowl (a quadsuit) so I would be able to wear him to the con in order to give him a test run. I'd been working on him since summer and he meant a lot to me. He was only the second costume I made without my grandmother's aid and I felt like I was truly doing well enough to be proud enough of him to show her what she had taught me. It felt great, even though it was super hard.
At the con there was a problem with Lumagrowl and I wasn't able to wear him. His tails, which had done fine at home, did not attach correctly and would not stay up. His head, which I also lacked any issues with, did not stay up right and flopped around on my head. My amazing friends spent a lot of time pulling ties through the whole in Lumagrowl in an attempt to get his tails on, only to have me not wear him in the end. They were so kind about it that it made me feel really guilty about cramming the quadsuit into the already over-packed car and having them take time out of the con to help me. They told me it was fine and that there were no hard feelings. In fact, all of them stated that they were upset by it because they knew how hard I had worked on him. (I was still upset, but I changed into Julio and felt a bit better after a while.)
In truth, I thought that would be it; it wouldn't matter a month later. Well, I guess it bothered me more than I had dreamed it would. It's almost March and I've made almost no progress for my cosplays that are planned for June (excluding Joshua of whom I only needed to buy a few things for). I haven't touched Lumagrowl since, even though I know how to fix the problems. I haven't started sewing Shiranui, or Gokudera, and I haven't bought anything for Lumagrowl yet. I'm the type of person that jumps right into the costume when ones finished and I can't wait to start it either. Lately, though, I seem to lack the inspiration to work on them, yet I'm still excited to cosplay as them. I seem to feel more of a need to work on them than a want to work on them.
Everyone hits a bump in the road; I'm no different.
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to get over mine and the easiest way to do that is to figure out what's wrong in the first place. The simplest way to single out a problem for me is to write it out. (I don't know anyone that reads my LJ, so this place seemed to be my best bet.) So, I'm just trying to figure it out and get it off of my chest.
I think that maybe it might not be as fun as it used to be. Maybe my love turned into an obsession somewhere down the line? I've always wanted to be a better cosplayer. I always push myself to sew more and more with every new convention, just so I can cosplay as more of the characters that I love. I think I'm afraid that I won't be able to cosplay as them unless I make four/five at once. I'm afraid that college will end my cosplaying life, even though I know that it will not. I'm afraid of not having enough time.
I need to slow down and rekindle my love. I need to remember why I cosplayed when I first did; the reason that kept me going with it. I did it for fun. I did it to make me happy.
So, that's it.
Thank you for looking, if you did. (Again. I'm not really looking for help or pity, I'm just trying to think.)
- Current Mood: blah
Thank you in advance to anyone who posts here.
If you want, you can view my entire collection here: s291.photobucket.com/albums/ll310/kurama
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