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Cosplay Rant?-Kind Of

This isn't really too much of a rant, as it is me attempting to understand what's going on in my head right now. So, there's nothing bad in it.

I started cosplaying back in 2008 and since then its been amazing. I'm always making new costumes, sewing, meeting new people, and, above all else, loving the thing that I do. I hadn't felt that way in a long time. In fact, the only time I ever truly felt so happy with one of my hobbies was back long before I gave up drawing. (I'm drawing now again, just to lessen the confusion my friends may have from reading this.) In short, I suppose, I could say that sewing/cosplaying become one of the biggest parts of my life and I loved it beyond no end.

Back in January, before Ohayocon, I still felt the same way. In fact I was so inspired to cosplay that I worked really hard to finish almost all of Lumagrowl (a quadsuit) so I would be able to wear him to the con in order to give him a test run. I'd been working on him since summer and he meant a lot to me. He was only the second costume I made without my grandmother's aid and I felt like I was truly doing well enough to be proud enough of him to show her what she had taught me. It felt great, even though it was super hard. 

At the con there was a problem with Lumagrowl and I wasn't able to wear him. His tails, which had done fine at home, did not attach correctly and would not stay up. His head, which I also lacked any issues with, did not stay up right and flopped around on my head. My amazing friends spent a lot of time pulling ties through the whole in Lumagrowl in an attempt to get his tails on, only to have me not wear him in the end. They were so kind about it that it made me feel really guilty about cramming the quadsuit into the already over-packed car and having them take time out of the con to help me. They told me it was fine and that there were no hard feelings. In fact, all of them stated that they were upset by it because they knew how hard I had worked on him. (I was still upset, but I changed into Julio and felt a bit better after a while.)

In truth, I thought that would be it; it wouldn't matter a month later. Well, I guess it bothered me more than I had dreamed it would. It's almost March and I've made almost no progress for my cosplays that are planned for June (excluding Joshua of whom I only needed to buy a few things for). I haven't touched Lumagrowl since, even though I know how to fix the problems. I haven't started sewing Shiranui, or Gokudera, and I haven't bought anything for Lumagrowl yet. I'm the type of person that jumps right into the costume when ones finished and I can't wait to start it either. Lately, though, I seem to lack the inspiration to work on them, yet I'm still excited to cosplay as them. I seem to feel more of a need to work on them than a want to work on them. 

Everyone hits a bump in the road; I'm no different. 

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to get over mine and the easiest way to do that is to figure out what's wrong in the first place. The simplest way to single out a problem for me is to write it out. (I don't know anyone that reads my LJ, so this place seemed to be my best bet.) So, I'm just trying to figure it out and get it off of my chest. 

I think that maybe it might not be as fun as it used to be. Maybe my love turned into an obsession somewhere down the line? I've always wanted to be a better cosplayer. I always push myself to sew more and more with every new convention, just so I can cosplay as more of the characters that I love. I think I'm afraid that I won't be able to cosplay as them unless I make four/five at once. I'm afraid that college will end my cosplaying life, even though I know that it will not. I'm afraid of not having enough time. 

I need to slow down and rekindle my love. I need to remember why I cosplayed when I first did; the reason that kept me going with it. I did it for fun. I did it to make me happy. 

So, that's it.

Thank you for looking, if you did. (Again. I'm not really looking for help or pity, I'm just trying to think.) 


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